Holy cow y’all, I was not prepared for the violence and uncomfortable moments in this episode. Are you strapped in? Good, let’s put a bucket of rats on your chest and get started. This is a particularly triggering episode (and recap), involving more physical and sexual violence than usual.
Robb wins another battle and continues to eye-sex everybody, especially a girl who sawed off a dude’s leg in front of him, after the fighting was done. Whatever works for you, man! Joffrey is still an insufferable asshole, publicly threatening and shaming Sansa. She’s saved by Tyrion, who continues to be rightfully impressed by her resilience. At Bronn’s suggestion, and in an attempt to divert Joffrey’s cruel attention from Sansa, Tyrion sends Ros and another courtesan to Joffrey’s chambers. That plan obviously backfires in an incredibly disturbing scene where Joffrey commands Ros to beat the other woman within an inch of her life. The scene is also something that I understand doesn’t come from the books, to the degree that it plays out, and I’m wary about how necessary it was. As if viewers needed more reasons to hate Joffrey, we have to add severe, strangely sexualized violence against women? I’m not sold, HBO. Tyrion also gets a spy on Cersei when he confronts her latest lover, their cousin Lancel. Those Lannisters and their incest, what will they think of next?
Meanwhile in Harrenhal, Arya is awaiting a slow, torturous death, along with the rest of the boys from camp. Just in time to save Gendry from getting his stomach eaten by rats, Tywin Lannister shows up, calling Arya out as a girl and requesting her to be taken as the new cupbearer. He also tells the guards to put all the prisoners to work instead of wasting able bodies, saving the rest of the boys. Back at Storm’s End, Baelish delivers Ned’s remains to Catelyn Stark in an attempt to win her trust, as well as trade Sansa and Arya – who the Lannisters do have, albeit unknowingly – for Jaime. Cat is as fierce as ever in her response, threatening Littlefinger with a dagger, making no promises, and managing to stay strong despite her family falling apart around her.
The Mother of Dragons comes to the gates of Qarth and is met by the Thirteen, the city’s ruling body. Dany’s pride and sense of courtly decorum gets the best of her and they are almost turned away, but a member of the Thirteen named Xaro invokes “sumai”, vouching for Dany and the Dothraki. They are let inside the “best city that ever was or will be”, and it actually is rather impressive. Dany’s still figuring out how to handle herself when it comes to tact and politics, but how can you not love her spirit? It takes serious guts to threaten someone with death and destruction by dragon after they’re rude to you, and homegirl didn’t even flinch.
Finally, Stannis and Renly are gearing up to fight each other for the right to the throne, since negotiations between them and attempts to unite under the same banner have gone sour. Ser Davos takes Melisandre to a cave in secret, where she straight up gives birth to a demon. Good thing we have Maury on speed dial! I’m sure Stannis’ fingers are crossed for Not The Father.